Chapter 4: The Wurm Fighter

After a tempestuous 10 minutes of dragging myself out of bed, out of the house, and into the open air, I trod through the drizzle towards the bus stop. From the moment that the plastic panels started to slide upwards, slowly revealing a dark, cloud-ridden landscape, I knew that my trek was going to be difficult: every step I took would have to be calculated yet I could not risk wasting too much time. The first few strides through the dangerous swamp were unerring but my morning drowsiness proved too much. Soon I was hopping and yelping, pulling out my imaginary Excalibur in order to defend myself from the vile creatures of the deep. I slashed and jabbed at and parried blows from the grotesque creatures that surrounded me. I slowly developed a rhythmic pace as I plodded along the path towards my destination. As the rhythm grew, my heart beat quickened and soon I was running, leaving all of the blood-thirsty predators in my dust. In a flash, I took the final step to my goal with time to spare.

I may not have actually dueled with the countless worms whom I encountered on my way to the bus stop, but this is the true recounting of what was going on through my mind as I rampantly stumbled along the sidewalk towards my destination. What actually happened was: I stepped outside of my garage door, moaned realizing the quest that I was about to embark upon, and then scampered to the bus stop hoping that I could hold in my shrieks of terror as I jumped over row upon row of worm. But, the part where I got to the bus stop without a scratch was true; I did not step on a single worm! What a success.

Occasionally I allow myself to daydream about completely fantastical worlds such as this one. I imagine what it would be like trying to live a normal life within a world filled with gross creatures and dangerous landscapes -- I guess everyone has their own way of entertaining themselves. Some of you might not respect my Wurm-filled fantasies but I, the top Wurm Fighter, do not need your support because I can successfully make it to my bus stop without your help.

P.S. To those of you who can empathize with my situation, fight on fellow Wurm Fighters, fight on.

P.P.S. A Wurm is a worm-like monster popularized by gamers/nerds/whatever, you get my drift.

Chapter 3: Deep Slumber

During these freezing months, I cry myself to sleep knowing that, come the next morning, I will be enveloped by crushing waves of cold. It is always a gruesome war when I am fighting the urge to stay under the blanket which has so kindly collected my warmth. After I finally fling away the soft, warm embrace of my sherbert colored blanket, I am showered with shivers and goosebumps.

For me, this is daily battle with nature is unarguably the least appealing aspect of winter which often leads me to wonder, how can I solve this consistent problem? The answer: hibernation. Bears must lead happy lives when they spend one fourth of the year sleeping. They never feel the pain of fighting off the morning chills because by the time they wake up, the cold will have been replaced by the sweet morning of spring.

Every so often I imagine what my life would be like as bear. I would probably be a grizzly bear for no specific reason; I like the word "grizzly." My yearly life would be rather simple. During the non-hibernation seasons, I would wake up in early in the morning and spend the whole day swimming in the river and hunting for fish. I would scowl at the occasional hikers who happened to cross my path. Then at nightfall, I would return to my favorite resting spot and fall into a slumber. It seems like such an appreciably simple life.

After doing some research, I found out that bears essentially spend their whole summer eating in order to store fat to survive through their hibernation. In addition to sleeping for a few whole months, they spend the rest of their lives just eating... How much better can it get?

So if one winter I just disappear, you will know where I have gone: somewhere warm to go into a deep slumber.