After a tempestuous 10 minutes of dragging myself out of bed, out of the house, and into the open air, I trod through the drizzle towards the bus stop. From the moment that the plastic panels started to slide upwards, slowly revealing a dark, cloud-ridden landscape, I knew that my trek was going to be difficult: every step I took would have to be calculated yet I could not risk wasting too much time. The first few strides through the dangerous swamp were unerring but my morning drowsiness proved too much. Soon I was hopping and yelping, pulling out my imaginary Excalibur in order to defend myself from the vile creatures of the deep. I slashed and jabbed at and parried blows from the grotesque creatures that surrounded me. I slowly developed a rhythmic pace as I plodded along the path towards my destination. As the rhythm grew, my heart beat quickened and soon I was running, leaving all of the blood-thirsty predators in my dust. In a flash, I took the final step to my goal with time to spare.
I may not have actually dueled with the countless worms whom I encountered on my way to the bus stop, but this is the true recounting of what was going on through my mind as I rampantly stumbled along the sidewalk towards my destination. What actually happened was: I stepped outside of my garage door, moaned realizing the quest that I was about to embark upon, and then scampered to the bus stop hoping that I could hold in my shrieks of terror as I jumped over row upon row of worm. But, the part where I got to the bus stop without a scratch was true; I did not step on a single worm! What a success.
Occasionally I allow myself to daydream about completely fantastical worlds such as this one. I imagine what it would be like trying to live a normal life within a world filled with gross creatures and dangerous landscapes -- I guess everyone has their own way of entertaining themselves. Some of you might not respect my Wurm-filled fantasies but I, the top Wurm Fighter, do not need your support because I can successfully make it to my bus stop without your help.
P.S. To those of you who can empathize with my situation, fight on fellow Wurm Fighters, fight on.
P.P.S. A Wurm is a worm-like monster popularized by gamers/nerds/whatever, you get my drift.
You. You are funny.
ReplyDeleteAs the bus doesn't deign to stop near my neighborhood, I've never been a true Wurm Fighter. I liked playing with the fat ones back in preschool, though...they made for nice sliced-up sushi. I respect you for your treacherous journey through the swamp. Keep fighting, Cleve.
P.S. Perhaps your wurmy encounters can explain why you have such an excellent host of facial expressions.
Welp, like Gloria I had interesting pre-school worm experiences (that did not involve cutting them up that's just... ew... touching worms.) Kids used to chase me around the playground with worms and I was terrified and that is why I can't even look at worms today. Yuckkkk.
ReplyDeleteSome of us, who are fans of Frank Herbert's Dune series, prefer to ride the Wurms instead of fighting them.
ReplyDeleteBut I suppose the bus is a more efficient form of transportation.
Usually I just birdwatch while I'm walking somewhere boring. But that should come as no surprise.
David, this post was quite amusing. I don't actually understand why the Wurms come out of the ground at such inopportune times of the year (such as when you're trying to walk somewhere). I always hate accidentally squishing one of them, but hey, it's their fault for being in the way, right?
ReplyDeleteSo this is what you think about while we await the bus every frosty morning? I guess you learn a new thing everyday. While I do not quite imagine them to be giant creatures trying to kill me, I do share your sentiment of all the worms popping up around my garage door and throughout the sidewalk cracks.
ReplyDelete